My little pony friendship is magical

Cheers to the forever we promised to.

2012-01-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

The people keeping me sane.

I am in a complete wreck. My life is like a glass mirror cracking and it's in a state so fragile. I miss the yesterdays. I miss feeling so at free. I miss not having a care in the world. I miss my chubby, farah and abigail. Stupid farah. Stupid abigail. Especially abigail. I'm still not used to the fact I dont see your face every day, after 10 years. Stupid girl. GirlS!
But who would deny how much I crave for my daniel? I miss you so much. My mind wanders off to our sweetest memories whenever it goes idle. The first time we met is by far my favourite. The cold, drizzling night. The butterflies in my stomach making my whole body shake with excitement, fear and a sense of fondness for you. The night went by so magically. So unreal.

I've never met someone like you. You grasp my heart in a manner I just melt with every word you say. I want you in my life in whatever way from this time to eternity. For now, be mine. Stick with me until the impossible tears us apart. I miss you, boo. I miss you, sayang. I miss you, edward. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. And I feel so miserable how I can't do anything about it. So fucking miserable.

1437.

2012-01-02T22:47:00.001-08:00

Oh hi Aida

2012-01-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

The way you make me feel like shit is amazing. You are amazing. Let's have a round of applause for Mr. Amazing. Great job. Keep up the good work.

Inner strength

2011-12-10T10:11:00.000-08:00

I am afraid. Terrified, even, for the future. I messed up not long ago and it's taken its toll on me. I try to pretend it never happened but you cannot deny the past. It will be with you for eternity.

Mom wants to send me away. Away from all the love I get from my friends and him. To strangers land. Kolej Yayasan Saad at Melaka to be exact. Boo, cant we both just go somewhere away from all these troubles and not have all these worries in our heads when we try to meet in secrecy? Forbidden love is what we have. I seek forgiveness and redemption from everyone around me.

I have not been a very good person lately. I thrive for change and I've seen myself fail. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up.

Dear parents,

Please give me a chance. Please give him a chance. Please give us a chance.
Let me do you proud.

I love you, you, you, you, you, and especially you.

Somebody save me.

2011-12-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

I am so ashamed of myself. I am untrustworthy. And I feel so stupid because my wrist is red. I need help. My head is messed up. A new habit is rising and its not a good habit. Not one bit.

I feel suicidal.

2011-11-11T06:02:00.000-08:00

Bitch, youre pissing me off. Shut the fuck up and let me do it on my own pace or I wont do it at all. Be patient, bitch. God damn, bitch. Are you going to die? Holy fuck, honestly. WOULD YOU? WITHOUT IT?! Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I. Fucking. Know.

Die.

2011-10-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

Going through a rough phase with my boo. But our love will march on and we will walk hand-in-hand and defeat these hard times. I love you. I always will. :*

Dear daniel choo kok weng,

2011-10-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

I love you because .....

your laugh is unique.

the way you bite your lips is sexy.

you smell delicious.

your smile makes me giddy inside.

your fingers intertwine perfectly with mine.

it feels as if a huge blanket is covering me when you hug me.

the sound of your heartbeat is addictive.

you drive like a maniac yet I still feel safe when we hold hands.

your so different.

you dont mind me being ugly.

you remember the things I tell you.

you open up my eyes to the world.

you make me feel special.

I felt a spark when we first met.

I still feel the spark.

you brighten up my day.

you complete me. (I know, so cliche. Fuck ya'll.)

you accept me.

Actually, I dont need any reason. I love you because I just do. I dont know why. Should there be a reason why? I just love you. I fucking love you. You just make me wanna jump and shout the craziest things. I feel like everything's possible. It's like you're all I need. I love this feeling I feel whenever I'm around you. I'm so comfortable around you. I dont need to act.

If you'll do your part, and I do mine. I swear, we'll make dreams come true.

2011-10-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

i wont blog about it.

So sick of being upset.

2011-10-04T09:31:00.001-07:00

That rainy sunday night with my favourite yellow pajama pants and pink hoodie.

The night still plays in my head.

I remember every detail. Every sight. Every breath. Every touch.

For someone with really bad memory, my brain seems to not want to let this part of memory die.

Let it live on.

while I make more

to the last breath

2011-10-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

This time around last year, I was in the most devastating and depressing state of mind. Ever. PERIOD. Yup. The start of all my emo posts. Heartbreaking. Still is when I think about it. You can never erase it. Always in the back of my mind, appearing once in a while when I'm at my most vulnerable moment. Sometimes I have to remind myself that a person is capable of literally crushing my soul with words. Dont ever let my feelings get the best of me. But hey, I'm just human.

I love.

I break.

I pick up the pieces.

Glue them together.

And I love again with all the cracks hoping for bliss.

Alhamdulillah.

Can I just pause and embrace it all. I have everything at the moment. I have never been happier. My parents, unicorns, narwhals and him. Just please, please, stay and last forever.

2011-10-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

And he calls me cute in this.............................................................................

2011-10-02T10:59:00.001-07:00

Lily, you're stupid.

2011-10-02T10:42:00.001-07:00

Was so close to posting something up on Tumblr.

Then I decided not to. For my own good.

2011-10-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

An emotional train wreck.

Youre the only one capable of doing this to me.

Clingy

2011-10-02T07:41:00.001-07:00

Because maybe you're not constant. And I'm the type of person who needs consistency in this particular matter. You are who you are & I can never change that. I respect you. I need you.

2011-09-28T16:10:00.001-07:00

I love you, boo. You make me feel beautiful. :*

Warning: Contains self doubt.

2011-09-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Beauty.

People always say "If youre pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside, its really pointless." "It doesnt matter if youre ugly on the outside, what counts is the beauty on the inside." Bla bla bla.

Seeing a video about "What is Beautiful?" just kinda made me wonder a little bit. "A girl is beautiful when she is calm, collected and gentle." And honestly, I am none of the above. Barely even close. I feel so upset. Recalling all these names people call me. Yeah, I make jokes about myself. Make faces. Show my 3456864757b chins. Just making a fool out of myself. Probably the only way I cope with being ugly and just about everything else.

I hate being fat. I hate having this scar on my thigh. I hate having a kazillion chins. I hate feeling like a stupid low-esteemed whore. I know I'm better than this. But sometimes, being the only one to say "I'm beautiful." just makes me feel like shit when everyone is against that statement. I just have the worst personality ever. I'm so fucking twofaced. Act like a tough ass brick when I'm nothing more than a sheet of glass.

Sorry I'm throwing this unexpected bomb at you guys.

Dont worry, I'm fine. Blogging always makes me feel much, much, much better.

I just need to let it all out.

I love you, xo.

Take me in for who I am, change me to who you want to be.

2011-09-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

I admit. I am a whore. I hug around and sit on guys laps. Going all "Who?" whenever the girls remind me of you.

Not anymore.
What goes around, comes around. It would hurt me to pieces to see another girl with you. So I will stop my whorish acts because you mean so much to me. Too much.

I cant change who you are and I gave my heart to you (: youre only given one shot cause I have less than one heart.

Trust me.
I will be a better girlfriend.
I love you.

^^

2011-09-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALICIA ANG XIA YI! YOU DA BOMBBBBB. I LOVE YOU, BOO. YOU MAY BE DAMN MEAN IN YOUR SILENT WAYS BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER ONE! XOXOXOXXOXOX

Love like this

2011-09-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

Today was simply amazing. Relaxing. Chilling. Laughing throughout the day. I've never felt this much closer to my bestfriends than before.

We had a little therapy session. Couldnt hold in my tears. Neither did xia yi. Cried like a baby when we had our group hug. So emotional! Ilie was expressing her feelings and telling the boys why Pig and her never quite got there. You could feel her pain. How miserable she was. I've been there. I get you, boo. It sucks. I cant do anything to contain your feelings towards him. It cant be helped. But you sure as hell know I'm here for you. 24/7. 365 days in a year. I am always a call away. I might not have the right words to say to you but I will accompany you throughout night or day. You can always count on me. Your shoulder to cry on. Your undestructive wall of protection. Your reason to be lesbian cause I'm so goodlooking! I love you. Xo

Now that that's done, lets continue the story of my extraordinary day.
Harith, Chin, Carmen & I played the guitar and piano while singing a bunch of songs while the rest just sat around, talking and giggling every once in a while. Just lazed around, soaking up the laughter around me and felt such warmth. Everyone felt so close to me, physically and mentally. The food the school prepared was really good too! Anis really missed a lot. She was the only one from the Unicorns & Narwhals that didnt show up.

The day was rather simple yet, beautiful.
Doesnt it amaze you how a bunch of retards can lift your soul up and make you feel like the happiest person in the world?

I love you.
Ilie Arisha. Abigail Lim. Farah Aina. Carmen Lau. Ang Xia Yi. Anis Yazmin. Ng Chin Zhin. Keith Liew. Ammar Harith. Dzakwan Al-Ammar. Muhd Fat-Hi. <3

2011-09-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

Listening to this stupid song that pisses me off just because it reminds me of you. When we're in your car driving around. Your fingers clasped in mine. The way you would sing bits of the song to me.

Shit, I'm obsessed.

2011-09-12T10:10:00.001-07:00

Why the fuck am I fucking crying?

2011-09-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

Fuck you for having such a huge impact on my life. I feel stupid missing you tonight. You are never allowed to sleep after tonight. Haih.

I love you, baobei.

Wake Up.

2011-08-26T00:21:00.000-07:00

Talked to him for hours last night. I missed that. Talking about everything and anything that pops into our mind. Sharing stories and experiences. He's such a breath of fresh air. Laff you, baobei.

SO MOVING ON
Get ready, I'm gonna start boasting.
I FUCKING ACED MY SEJARAH. After getting a D before and suddenly an A. Alhamdulillah. Ilie was right. I have to keep doing what I do, cause apparently God is liking it. Blessing me in many ways possible. Plus, I was one of the 5 students in my class who scored an A for Geo. When I got a C before. Asdfghjkl, kene rasuk by a nerd when I was doing my exam kot?

T-4days to Raya. Jan is leaving for London. A month closer to PMR and I feel so unprepared. Havent seen le boyfriend for so long. Slowly losing from these exessive pokemon watching/playing. Need a new phone and my SIM card. Need internet at home.

I am such a loser. -_-

Tripped

2011-08-19T02:15:00.000-07:00

I love you, daniel choo. You stupid, annoying, always-playing-futsal, angry, asshole-y nincompoop. How did I fall for such a thing? You goodlooking, sweettalking, bearhugging retard. I love you.

2011-08-18T11:51:00.000-07:00

Everything is back to normal. & we'll look back on this day and think how stupid we were.

2011-08-18T11:21:00.001-07:00

Why am I always the bad guy at the end of the arguement?

2011-08-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

"no wonder Choo cheated on you. Youre a fucking whore"

How could you?

2011-08-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

I just need a shoulder atm. Or ears to hear me cry. This is stupid. I need my phone & my own room. I need my girls.

2011-08-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

"If only I have less bullshit to deal with."

I hope you didnt mean our relationship. Please dont mean us.

2011-08-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

Crying in silence has never felt so painful. Trying to muffle my sobs when I just wanna bawl my eyes out. Do I worth anything to you anymore? Are these tears just in vain? I feel like shit.

2011-08-18T08:42:00.001-07:00

I HOPE YOU FUCKING CRY YOUR EYEBALLS OUT. BLEED BITCH BLEEEEEED!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JK SOMEONE FUCKING KILL THAT BASTARD HE ONLY SAID SORRY?! OH YEAH, I FORGOT HOW SORRY IS THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE OF I'M A DOUCHEBAG LOL DERP DERP I'LL MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND PLAY AROUND WITH YOU THEN MAKE YOU WAIT FOR AN HOUR FOR ME LOL DERP DERP. YOU FUCKING STUPID BITCH I'LL FUCKING PUNCH YOUR FACE UNTIL YOUR MOM WONT RECOGNIZE YOU. CUNT!

2011-08-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Tell me it'll be alright. This tear strained face is tired with only memories to cling on. But they are slipping, slowly, from my fingers. The grip has loosen. The distance has gone further. We're turning insane. Seeking nothing but a touch. A reassurance. A spark to remind us why. How we fell so deep for each other. The reason we were in need of each other.

I dont know why or how. But we need this. We'll get through this. We need this. To prove we are worth fighting for. No matter how hard you hit me with brutal words and stabbing actions, I will continue to cherish you. I may be stupid or childish or ignorant but you will never extinguish this fire for you. It will continue to burn. No matter what happens, it will ignite with the most beautiful sets of flames because I love what we have. And what we have are hearts to hold, break and mend.

I trust you with this fragile yet tough looking heart of mine.
I trust us with this shaky rollercoaster relationship of ours.
I trust myself that my decisions will help me grow.
Amin. And I love you.

Dissapointment in the air of love

2011-08-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

Why did you do that to me? You had me waiting for an hour. Alone. I dont get you la, seriously. You go angry at me saying I dont miss you yet, when we plan to meet & had everything settled out, you ... Slept? We were talking not more than half an hour from the time we were sposed to meet and you ... Slept? Did you think you could have a fucking 5 mins power nap? You fucking know you sleep like a whore. Yet, you slept. Or were you really "sleeping"? Or sengaja nak let me wait kan? You like is it? I miss you. I fucking miss you. And you did this to me? Do you know how much you let me down? You just drained the energy out of me. Thank god I had Razzan to be retarded with an hour later. I had to lie to my bestfriend that I was lazy and just decided to stay at safa & study sejarah. Sorry Pei, I know you'd read this sooner or later. I was just afraid I would break down crying.

All I wanted was to see you. To just have your hands to hold. To be near you.
I just wanted you.

But you let me down.
You dissapointed me.
You werent there for me.

Le Unicorns.

2011-08-15T02:10:00.000-07:00

No matter what happens, good or bad, I know I'd always have my girls behind my back. Alhamdulillah. I found God's creatures that accept and love me for who I am. I am eternally grateful. To all you bitches, you know who you are. Love you guise <3

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

2011-08-14T00:40:00.000-07:00

What is going on? We dont know anymore. And the fact that we were strangers to begin with makes it worst. What are we doing? Why are we like this? Why cant we just adapt and live? Why the fuck is everything getting so hard?

Distance. Something that can tear us apart. Something so fearful to some. We can live right next to each others yet have such different lives until we never collide. How did we get this far? I feel like a cat in the big sea. Drowning. Afraid of the water surrounding me. Buf I act like the big fish. Pretending to swim and float. All smiles and eager. I know I am nothing more than a cat. Drifting further and further away from you. The shore. The dry land. My safety. Dont turn your back on me. I need you.

Idk if you, readers, could understand me. I dont know if anyone could even if I tried explaining to you face to face. I'd just end up looking at you, smiling like I always would, say "i dont know lah.", shrug and make faces to convince you I'm ok. That he and I are okay. Happy. Joyous. Retarded. Yes, we reach stars whenever we're in each others grasps. But these days? I admit it's my fault. With the loss of my SIM card and not getting it asap due to my constant date with the books thanks to trials & the actual PMR being so near. He knows it. How busy I am. But it drives me crazy when I pick up the house phone to have a nice conversation with him, and he just sits there. Quiet.

Silence. That's another thing. When so many has happened and at the end of the day, you just wanna pick up the phone, dial up that 10 digit which you know by heart and just blab and blab and blab. Stopping once in a while to hear his comments and continue to blab and blab and blab. After moving to the apartment and having to share a room with your sister, killed the routine. So you text. Text and text and text. Once the phone's been taken away, you turn to the next best thing: internet. Slowly, everything quiets down. As much as you want to scream, the silence stabs you. You know less about each other. And this annoys the both of you. Youre cluless. Stunned. With alll these questions in your mind. Then you know, the only way to save the relationship is

Tolerance & Trust. Of course, you need that spark of excitement, the teasings, and essentially, love. But what glues you together are these two ingrediants. I know you might think it's ridiculous for a 15 year old to speak so much about this but Idk, it comes naturally to me. I've grown an understanding that to make things work, both parties need to accept the flaws and give in. Idc how many girls chase after you because I trust you. After 17 months, how can I not? But I cant do this on my own.

I know this is a lot to ask for but never let go. So be strong for me. Be strong for us.

2011-08-13T07:19:00.001-07:00

Daniel's being extra mean to me tonight. I wonder what I did this time :/

2011-08-05T10:00:00.001-07:00

I miss him x_x
These past few days of being phoneless due to my SIM card being stolen, I feel so isolated. I'd usually bbm my girls and whatsapp my cina but now I'm just... Studying... While tweeting via iPad every once in a while. The only source of communication for now.
I am miserable.

I need a SIM card & a new phone pronto. ):

My baobei

2011-08-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

I just want you to know how much you mean to me. Youre annoying, a drama king and an asshole, but its times when we quarrel where I know I never wanna lose you. The joy you brought me and all these feelings to the point where I actually do believe in unicorns existance. Youve painted my life with all these neon and abstract colours in the ugliest drawings (knowing you and your lack of drawing skills). But what's love without flaws to make fun off? Preferrably your flaws, I'm almost perfect. ^^v
Ehem, anyways.

I float in the air when I'm around you. I feel light and free. The way our fingers link each others in the most imperfect harmony. Your eyes glued to mine. Adele blasting on the stereo. It's moments where we're still and quiet do I truly appreciate what we have. You came into my life so sudden and so unexpected. So life-changing and so magical. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Never have I been so thankful to God to be graced by your presence.

This connection we have, be it love, lust or anything inbetween and around, is something that I want to experience with you at all times. I dont know what the future brings us, but boo, believe I'd fight for you. Believe in forever and always. Believe we wont see the end of the relationship even when things get shaky and dull. Believe in how funny my jokes are. Because they are hilarious shits. Believe in me. Because I am your number 1 fan and I'll fight and defend.

I love you.
Xoxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxxoxoxoxox gossip gurl, uhukz uhukx

2011-07-19T08:50:00.000-07:00

Adzeem's original song is incredibly disturbing. I know exactly what he did on his first date. Ew o_o

2011-07-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

Sakit hati. But it's okay. It's always okay.

2011-07-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

Okay found out that Daniel knows my blog. Lol fail whale
I'm still bitching about him whenever I feel like it. ^^V

Love you, boo. :B

2011-07-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

TGIF! Had a blast today at school. Had Good Food Friday where it's like a pot-luck type of thing during break. Such a success! Everyone was groaning about how full we were. We being Farah, Abigail, Carmen, Xia Yi, Anis, Chin, Alif, Keith & I (: Ilie wasn't able to join us because she had to meet the tazkirah dude and do her tilawah & hafazan.

Later, we had PE. Since it rained, we couldn't go out to the field so we played Ice & Fire :D Abigail and Chin were the Ice while the rest was Fire. Again, Ilie wasn't there. After a while, the boys went to the field to play football while we girls just chilled by the staircase over-looking the padang.
Didn't study whole day. Haha! Just got home and I'm still full.

I love days like these. Can't wait for Sunday. I really wanna watch Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2 >:(

2011-07-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

Skipped tuition today. Was at Safa with Pei, Fa, Erin, Razzan, Adam & RandomDude. Pei & Razzan went for tuition and the other two boys went home. Buka puasa then Daniel came to sweep me off my feeeeet. :3

Drove around and decided to have shaved ice at dpc, only to find out that you have to pay for parking which is so absurd! Went to manjalara instead to finally try Daniel's favourite roti bakar telur cheese!
:D :D :D :D

One word to describe it: itsucksballsineverwannahaveiteveragain. (:
Or maybe I was too full cause yknow when a person puasa's, she/he doesn't really eat much for buka? Yeah. That. Will definitely try to love what he loves... Or not.

Thursday well spent. And I know tomorrow will be better! (Hintfoodfestivalwithmyretardshint) <3
Oh, and it's a full moon night (:

Better together

2011-07-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

You arrogant fuck.
I don't get how you can be so irritating and annoying. Bigtime asshole. If I didn't love you, I would've most probably tore your limbs, jab your eye, slice throat, hot lava in mouth, ears, eyes, & asshole, finely chop your dick, peel skin completely and feed you to the dogs.

I put up with you because I cherish what we have. I just hope one day you don't piss the shit out of me for being an asshole until .... :/

Ah fuck you.
This place is the only place where you don't stalk me.
So I shall bitch about you 24/7.

Sorry, readers.
Promise to blog something more happy the next time.
Please understand I blog to release all my anger & stress. PEACE!
XOXO

2011-07-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

Daniel Choo,

You retarded nincompoop. You bring me smiles and laughter (literally) and give me all the joy in the world. I've never felt this much rush and happiness go through me whenever you're near. You've become my Dora the Explorer. Going through every adventure together. Seeking new obstacles and showing me your world full of nothing but unicorns.

I love you. Dare me to say it a billion kazillion times, I would. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

Like you said "I hate your guts and you hate mine. But I love your soul and we both know." Thank you for giving me all these wonderful memories. With or without you in the future, I'm sure we won't regret these moments. That I promise you.

Stop being an asshole, and I might lick yours,
Ugly whore.
I love you..... Shitface

<3

Ehekx ehekx

2011-07-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

What more can I ask for?

I have the best parents, annoying siblings, retarded bestfriends and one weird asshole I call mine.
Oh yeah, and a gold medal for my division in taekwondo.

I'm so cocky. Lol who cares? I'm comfortable in my own skin and I thank god everyday there are some unfortunate bitches who appreciate my good looks and appealing charm.
Buuuuut since I kicked too damn hard, kinda sprained my ankle a little bit. Missed out on a day of school, rested whole day, and now I'm back on my feet. Just limping a little bit but no harm!

(: yay!

you make me feel weak,

2011-06-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

These doubts are coming back to me and they're taunting me. Daring me to do what I know I'd regret. I deserve more.

Better. Worthy.

Don't you want me as much as I want you?

God, gimme the strength to face all challanges. Amin.

Somewhere only we know.

2011-06-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

"Trying to see you hasn't been easy lately. There's been this period where things seems harder as we stay together things are changing, always. I'm just here to tell you no matter how bad I'll fail you and make you cry or hurt your feelings, always look at it like an adult. There's time you need to ignore rude things that I will say and time that I'll do things to hurt you but always believe that there must be a reason why I'm still here."

I'll never stop believing. Sometimes you're just a stupid drama king who irritate me by being angry at me.

I miss you. Maybe that's why we've both been going crazy. The absence of each other's.

Well, whatever it is, I still like you a lot, dckw.

2011-06-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

Oh and um, just to make it clear.

DANIEL AND I HAVE A STRONG RELATIONSHIP THAT WE ARE BOTH VERY HAPPY TO BE IN. I just tend to blog when I'm sad/annoyed/pissed/depressed.

Hahahahhahahahhahaahahahahah. Love ya'll ^^V
I sound crazy. Gila moodswing. Gonna annoy Daniel til he wakes up with the urge to punch my face. Nyahahahahaahahahhaha! Sangat suka cari pasal!

Dear you,

2011-06-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

What is wrong with you? Everynight there is bound to be something wrong. Something to be angry at me about. Must I feel like shit every single night now? Is it a routine for you to crush my insides before you sleep? And still. I'm so so so stupid to still have these feelings for you. Why is it so hard to see me happy? Don't you want me to be happy?

I'm so insanely in love with you. I still get butterflies when I see you. Like an obsessed fangirl. But maybe you'd realize me if I'd stop showing signs that I am one? I don't know how to reach out to you without hurting myself. You're such an asshole. I'm so frustrated cause I can never figure you out! I don't know you. I never did. Is this how relationships work? Aren't we supposed to cherish and love one another? Know exactly how to calm the opposite down? Make her feel like she's in the sky? Reaching the orbit, probably? I feel so clingy. It makes me feel like shit. I know you love me. I am so fucking sure of it. But can't you at least tell me that once in a while? Ni kene paksa. I mean, come on.

I just don't want our story to end. You can be such an asshole but what can I do? I'm head over heels for you. You've got swag that I can't find on anyone else. You're... You!

I really really like you, sayang. Please put up with this childish bitch. She will always be there for you to lean on. <3

ugh

2011-05-04T05:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for so long. So many stories left untold. So, where do I start?

*clears throat.
I've been good. Got a really bad burn on my right thigh due to McDonald's hot coffee though. Now there's a scar k?!!?!?!? I have to apply this cream thingy in order to fade it which would probably take a year+. Haih. At least I got some money from McDonalds thanks to mama suing them. Hehehehehe.

Mid year is coming in closer. Two more weeks. And of course, I have not touched a single book. I just don't know how to study. Some help please?! Macamana nak PMR like this? Macam nak mati cepat.

Blegh. Malas lah nak tell you my life detail. Too interesting.

"I enjoy our relationship. We live in two totally different world but manage to stay in love."

Our nights together.

2011-01-13T07:59:00.001-08:00

I love life. I love maths. Kay.

Enough is enough?

2010-12-22T09:22:00.000-08:00

I dont know anymore. Its like I wanna let go but I keep thinking "What if" and its just driving me insane. I want you. I need you. But I cant bring myself to say I lo-ve you. I cant even think or write it down.

Am I ready to let my guard down again?

yeah, singapore was whtvr.

I am content.

2010-12-02T00:56:00.000-08:00

I GOT HUGEASS JUSTIN BIEBER POSTER.
and a My Chemical Romance poster. (which is also a big thing but somehow isnt big enough compared to JB) :P <3

I shall post up a picture of the posters soon.
For now, I shall listen to JB and drown in his voice.
I am a happy girl.

Soon, I shall be happier.
With all the sale.
And maybe some time with you.
Its been too long.

Soon.
:)

I close my eyes,
and pray.

Beautiful people.

2010-11-26T06:57:00.000-08:00

So I'm sure some of you out there are going "OHMYGOD, LILY?! WHERE THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU?!"
Well, my laptop went psycho and it wont on. Now, I can only go online at night when my brothers not around. Cause I'm using his laptop. -____- So sad, I know. Can die.

Okay, malas to type more.
I miss you. Gila. Tahap babi. Blegh.

lies.

Anak babi

2010-11-18T00:38:00.000-08:00

I dont know what you want from me anymore.
First, you were so nice to me like how we used to. Then, you said you appreciated her amount of love that she gave you. Like somehow, I dont give enough. Or maybe I dont show enough. So, when I gave you just one teeny link. You start going all defensive.

Yes, I understand. You dont know what to do now.
But what happened to thinking about finishing high school and magically meet me and do wonderful things that we wanted to happen? Why must you give up so easily?
Why is it SO easy for you to leave me and SO fucking difficult to leave her?!

Fuck la, seriously.
Maybe you're right. Maybe I DO deserve better. But you were my first love. I fell too hard for you. And that was my mistake. But I thought we could have been. We felt so right.
And now, my thoughts and feelings are stuck between letting you go and wait for you.
You mess me up.

Right now, death sounds real good.
Lucky for you, I have harry potter to look forward to later.
Maybe death comes tomorrow.

babi.

2010-11-16T02:19:00.000-08:00

AND FUCK, I'M CRYING!
Fuck this. Seriously. :'/

So uh, yeah.

2010-11-11T02:39:00.001-08:00

Sooo ... She followed me on tumblr which I thought was pretty unnecessary. But I followed her back anyways. Which was also pretty unnecessary too but what the heck.
I'm nice.

Most probably too nice.

ANOTHER ONE!

2010-11-10T14:55:00.001-08:00

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Another girl did a post about me! But this time, its a bitch!
lololololololololol >:P

I LOVE YOU, FARAH AINA BINTI JEFFRY!
we shall celebrate soon for my victory of not giving a fuck about that manwhore.
\m/

only girl in the world.

2010-11-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

MEHEHEHEHEHEHE
Seriously, this boy is making me getting butterflies.
I'm pretty sure I smile without realizing it.

YTRZTEDXFCGVGHXF!
I'm so happy. :3

your girl.

2010-11-09T05:33:00.000-08:00

I wonder who's he playing now like how he played us all.

that girl.

2010-11-09T02:57:00.000-08:00

So, she wrote a post for me. And I have to say, it was pretty touching.

I am currently speechless. But somehow, I just have to say thank you to her. Its like, after reading what she wrote, I just felt like most of my feelings towards him just went away. And I dont mind that she's now with him. I just dont feel like she stole anything from me.
But she brought out the best of me.
My will to forgive and love.

So I thank you.
For bringing out an even more optimistic lily.

Maybe the rainbow isn't so far away after all.

When a door closes,
another opens.
All you have to do is embrace.

monday blues turned colourful.

2010-11-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

you will not break me.

Gedik once again.

2010-11-07T06:11:00.000-08:00

I think I like you.
HAHAHA, ohmygod. Sounds so familiar!

We've been friends for over a year now.
And I'm starting to grow on you.
Especially now.

I wanna tell you how I feel but I think its too early. I'll wait.
But heck it, even if you dont like me back, I dont think I'd really give a damn.
Youre already my bestfriend!

But if we were given the chance, will you be mine?
:)

hereitgoesagain.

A day well spent.

2010-11-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

Went Gopeng, Perak at 7:30am with Dania and Adam tagging along. Didnt wanna take the bus so my whole family (minus abang, of course) sent us.
Went there for a river rafting. So effin fun k?! Dania keeps telling me that we should do another one just for Junior Boards and the EDC. I GEDDIT. We will okay? :)

Reached home by 7pm and had to get ready for dinner at kualalala lumpur with the cousins.
Left home at 7:30-ish. Ate seafood. And went karaoke til 12am.
So. Fucking. Tired.

Its 2am.
I'm tired. I miss you. And tired.
I deserve much better than you.
I deserve much better than you.
I deserve much better than you.
I deserve only you.
Blegh. You make me suck.

Time for me to get a fling.
And I think I know just the right person.
OHMYGOD NO. I WILL NOT USE ANYONE.
YOU, READING THIS, IF I EVER PLAY WITH ANYONE, PLEASE SLAP ME SO HARD, I PASS OUT!
Thank you. Okay. Kay. Phew.

" I told myself I won't miss you but I remembered what it feels like beside you. "
Hinder - Better than me.

*sigh.*

Someone,
help me.

habits die hard.

2010-11-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Now I'm back to my same old routine.

Where I cry every night.
Even when I had a fun day out.
Even when I just watched a funny movie.
Even when I felt so happy.

I guess its when I realize that there wont be any late night calls where I would talk about my fun day out.
About the funny movie.
About my happiness.

A friend says I should get over him. Sure.
Another says I should get a new boyfriend. Sure.
Just give me the manual book and I'll just shut down my feelings and follow the book.

Sometimes, pretense is all I do. Cause its so much easier to do then explain all these thoughts, feelings and tears. Sometimes, I just feel so suicidal.
This sucks.

You suck.

remember,
the morning of the 3rd of november.

2010-11-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

It hurts for me to know.
1437.

Ohmygod.

2010-11-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

I cant believe he remembers.
Even I forgot.
He remembers.
He. Remembers.

Ho shit.

This is love.

2010-10-31T07:32:00.000-07:00

Is this not the prettiest thing youve ever seen?
And yes, I JUST BOUGHT THEEEEEMMMMM \m/
Its from Rockport. My new favourite shoe store!
My mom didnt want to buy them at first but the salesman said that its limited and there wont be any repeats so, TADAA!
Welcome home, baby.
:')

But my mom didnt miss out either.
She bought these babies.
Thank god we're both the same size so I could steal them whenever.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And the plus thing about it is:
ITS SO FREAKING COMFORTABLE!
Like you can ACTUALLY go shopping with it and not get tired.

Thank you, mommy.
I LOVE YOU :B

the happiest girl of the day,
lilyalyssa.

Just do it.

2010-10-30T00:55:00.000-07:00

Halloween tomorrow.
I malas nak go to the party but someones gonna be there.
And I miss that someone.

I need to do some shopping.
<3

1still43,
lilyalyssa.

Now what?

2010-10-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

AGAIN.
I f0und out something I did NOT want to find out.
I'm tired lah, for Gods sake!
First this, then that.
What next?

And it sucks so bad when I have no idea what to do.
It sucks gila-gila okay?
As long as I have someone to talk to about this, I'm fine.

I'm just so tired of convincing myself that everything would be fine soon. When Ive been convincing myself ever since we broke up.
I guess soon just isnt soon enough.

Its the freaking exam week and I'm crying my eyeballs out.
Wheepdeedoo.

you and I both,
loveD.

Saturday Butterflies

2010-10-23T07:14:00.001-07:00

So yeah, I made a study plan.
Aaaaand it was a total PHAAAIIIILLLL!
Went to visit a cousin who was at the hospital. Dengue. :(
Then went to ou for dinner.
And now, I just got back.

SNIP BITS!
I was in the car otw to the Tropicana Hospital and I was reading some geo since I couldnt do it at home. And we stopped at a red light. A huge ass lorry was next to the car.
I got tired reading so I looked out the window, and the freaking lorry driver was STARING at me like literally and SMILED at me when I looked at him.
SWEAR TO GOD, PEDO GILA K?!
I returned to the geo textbook asap.
With eyes wide open and brain damaged.

And so, when I was at Seoul tadi for dinner.
I went up to get my favourite Mille Crepe Cake at Chocolate and when I passed by all the shops, my jaw dropped when I saw all the SALE signs at their windows.
And I cursed to myself since I left most of my money in my drawer at home.
Like the WHOLE shop was filled with the SALE sign.
I CANNOT WAIT TO BRING MY DAD OUT SOON.
(he's at Jakarta right now)

My brother came later to join us for dinner. And when I was about to go home with my mom and sister, my brother grabbed my hand as hard as possible and yanked me away with full force that I almost fell. We were walking towards the parking lot but then we decided to get some takoyaki.
And a monopoly game card. And we strolled around a pet store for a good half an hour and bought cat food. And walked a bit more. Bought some drinks. Then we went home.

I missed Erin's house warming tonight.
SO SORRRRYYYY :(
I datang jumpa you myself, since you live so near now!
She lives in a purple house now, NGEHE.
JUSTIN BIEBER FTW :D

A Satuday well-spent.
<3

whoever thought a day gone so wrong,
could turn out so lovely.
:)

Ay okay

2010-10-22T01:44:00.000-07:00

So, I'm feeling better than I did last night and I think I'm so used to being upset, I guess I'm like, I dont know, immune to it now? Weeeell, that should be a good thing. :)

So, exams are in three days.
I have not made full preparations.
Hope I do soon. Maybe after I update this. And after I take a nap. And after I get something to eat.
OKAY, I NEED TO STUDY. -___-
So I shall. Since I'm not a failure. And will never be one.
I hope.

So many plans after exams. Just one week of hardcore studying, and I'll be fine. I'll be able to go out. I'll be able to do so many thingalingsss!
Then, stress again. PMR year. Whoopdy-fucking-doo.
Nevertheless, I shall enjoy a month plus and hope I dont be such a lifeless bugger at home, fingers crossed!

So wish me luck.
For exams.
For love.
For life.

youre missing out.
over and out.

Black and white lies

2010-10-21T07:06:00.000-07:00

Every single fucking time I fucking feel fucking okay, something just has to fucking happen.
Now I feel so fucking upset.
You fucking lied to me.
You fucking broke your promise.
You broke my fucking heart...
Once again and without fail.

Well, people.
I guess that one particular rumor I heard about him is really true.
*sigh* *shrugs*

But dude, what's with your lies?
Youve hurt me bad, REAL bad during the breakup and you think I'm not having a hard time letting you go? You say you dont think youve moved on, then what are you doing to her?
Aren't you hurting her too? I'm just so dissapointed in you, yknow? I thought you'd knew better.
I just thought you were better.

But somehow, no matter what.
I will be there for you.

Yes, I'm stupid. Thengs.
But its true. And I stand my ground.

you feel like your able to live past the moment,
you can't move on.

Mellow Little Fellow

2010-10-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

No worries, my lovely bugs.
I'm doing just fine.

I know everyone has their rough times.
And right now, I think I can see the rainbow.
No matter what, it will rain sometimes.
But for now,
I smile.

:)

ryanbandong,
ismine.

Stop it already.

2010-10-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

I fucking hate you.
but I'm so in love with you.

Why did you send that to me? Why did you trigger my emotions again?

I'm sick la k? Sick of crying. Sick of getting so pissed. Sick of being confused.
I'm not that girl. I'm better.
But with you messing around with my head, I cant freaking move on.
I WANT TO MOVE ON.
but you just make it impossible.

And to make things worst, I keep replaying the video. I cant seem to close the window.
Its like its the closest thing I have to you right now.
Ugh, someone help me.

Right now, I'm just hoping for a brighter tomorrow.
I reserved a hug from my amoi (What would I do without you, Abigail). I couldnt really tell her what happened cause my mom started being pissy at me and paksa'd me to study. Which made me even more pissed.
Therefore, easily tearful.

Ugh. I dont know what to do anymore.

hangingon,
your alyssa.

Oh dearest Thursday

2010-10-14T03:31:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU VERY THE MUCHO, AIDA SOFIA FOR THE DELICIOSO MUFFIN! :D
Sayang youuuuu.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

So tadi, I walked home.
There was a green car ahead of me. The driver looked at me (he had his window down), winked and said
"Hey, I love you."
Then he drove off laughing with his bunch of friends. And I gave them the wtf face.
As he drove off, the rest of his friends just stared at me while laughing.
I swear to god, if I didnt have a book in my hand, I wouldve shown them the finger. But then again, they mightve done a U-turn and kidnaprape me. Sooo, yeaah.
Better pissed than raped? -__________________-'

douchebaggery,
lilyalyssa.

Think

2010-10-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

I dont like it how I constantly get emo when I'm online. Its just that somehow thered be something out there that just upsets me.

I'm just so sad here.
But why am I so happy when I'm out and about?
Would you say I'm .. well .. A two-faced?

Or is it just me lacking oxygen in my room so I get a little teary eyed? -__-
Ugh.

Letting you go might be the best thing to do right now but I keep hurting myself by holding on to you. A dream.
I guess I really am a Silly Lily. :/

Thank you, my beloved retards for always making me smile everyday.
Abigail Lim Shu Yee.
Farah Aina Jeffry.
Ilie Arisha Ashraff.
Anis Yazmin Mohd Khairi.
Carmen Lau Jia Mei.
Alicia Ang Xia Yi.
What kind of mentally disordered child would I be without you guys?
I love you. :')

peace,
lilyalyssa.

10th October 2010

2010-10-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

After a long time, I got the chance to see him again.
He smiled at me and I smiled back.
He asked me if I was doing okay and I nodded.
Then the words came out instantly out of me and I started saying :

"I miss you so much. Your texts, your smile, the way you say 'I love you.', I miss the way we were before... "

He hugged me tight and tells me that he feels the same way.
And then ...

I woke up.
:'/

*sigh.* I hate this.
Where's that shoulder I could cry on?

sunday,
alyssa.

The First Lady Summit

2010-10-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

So get this.

I was invited last Thursday to read a pledge infront of all the first lady from around the world.
It was kinda weird cause why pick me lah kan?
So apparently, the organizer's organization doesnt have any malays in it. So, they want me.
-____________________-'

Then today, she called my mom to tell her that I wouldnt need to read the pledge anymore because they want only one person to read it. (Not being racist or anything) And I'm pretty sure that person is not a malay. What an ass.
But they still want me there to go up the stage and stand next to him/her. And I thought HELL NO. I'm not gonna be freaking accessory. I rather go to school la k?
Dahla the PM wants a malay, chinese and indian on the stage to read the pledge. Padan muka. Where's your malay now?
And you know, she (the organizer) told me that she hated the 1 Malaysia thing. And I was like "thaffark?!"

Ugh, whatever la k?
Politics isn't even my thing.
But it wouldve looked so good in my CV.
*sigh.*

I'll make it look good some other way,
lilyalyssa.

:)))))))

2010-10-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

I like you.
Again.
But somehow, I dont wanna be yours.
Maybe just friends with benefits.
;)

I missssssssssssssss you.
HEHEHEHE, I want you to sweep me off of my feeeeeeet!
I just wanna be near youuuuuu.
And peng youuuu, I know you do too!
*keningkening*

GRENADETOWEREPICDANIELPIEVAMPIRE!
<3 :)

lilyalyssalilyalyssalilyalyssalilyalyssalilyalyssalilyalyssalilyalyssalilyalyssalilyalyssa

AND OH to the MY to the GOOOD,

HAPPY FIRST ANNIVERSARY TO MY DEAREST
ANIS YAZMIN AND AMMAR HARITH.

Holy geez Louise! Its been a freaking year ALREADY?! AHHHH :3

Hikhik, if you dont mind I stole this picture, Anis!

Hope the both of you would last longer and longer and longer and longer! I love the both of you very, very muchoo. Like ohmygod, I am feeling so happy right now.
HEHEHEHEHEHE.

So jeles lah of them two <3 :')

Life. How mysterious.
How beautiful.
:)

Difference

2010-10-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

I was reminiscing with my sister and mama yesterday night. And we laughed and laughed and laughed.
Then I came across an album.

My 6th Birthday Party.

I went through and I saw this boy.
This boy who was my bestest friend in the whole wide world at that time.
He lived at the same row as I did.
He always came over to my place and we'd just play and talk and have so much fun.
Then he just stopped coming.
He moved.
And he didnt say goodbye.

Where the fuck are you?
I dont even remember your name.
Why did we just suddenly lose all contact?

But I'll find you.
I hope you still remember me, douche.
Cause dude, I had a tiny crush on you! HAHAHAHAHA.
You were so cute lah.

I miss you.
<3 :)

lilyalyssmiorazri

How the lion loved the lamb

2010-10-04T01:41:00.000-07:00

Farah got blog.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

www.sepeteyesarecute.blogspot.com.
Go and love <3

Rumour.

2010-09-21T01:25:00.000-07:00

Soo ..
Wendy told me you ... got someone new now?
*chuckles.*

Funny.
You told me yourself that you wouldn't be in a relationship for a long time.
Guess a month is a "long time" for you?

I honestly wish it isn't true. I mean, I won't be jealous if you are. Spread the love right? Hahahahahahahha. (dah gila -__-)
How are you anyways? I kinda miss talking to you.
Just wanting to know how you're doing right now.
That's all.

See you soon. I hope?
:)

beingcalmthroughitall,
thatsmebitch.

Bruno Mars. >:(

2010-09-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

He made me cryyyyy. D':
I listened to a song from him:
Starting Today.

I hate it how a song is something that you want to happen SO BADLY. And when he sang, I just fell again.

We had a date, I stood you up
You tried to call but I didn't pick up
See I forgot about our plans..
Please forgive your man for ruining your night so many times

I'm sorry, I know you're mad
And I don't wanna be like every other man that you've had
So I'm stopping all these childish things, girl, you mean too much to me
Your love is worth too much to lose

Girl, I know I broke your heart and trusting me is really hard
But watch how quick I change my ways.. starting today, starting today
I know that I'm the one to blame, you say every man's the same
But watch how quick I change my ways.. starting today, starting today
Girl, I'm starting today..

You're tired of playing the kiss and make up game
And I apologize for the man I became
If I could do it all again, I wouldn't hurt my best friend
And I'd throw away all my selfish ways

I'm sorry, I know you're mad
And I don't wanna be like every other man that you've had
So I'm stopping all these childish things, girl, you mean too much to me
Your love is worth too much to lose

Girl, I know I broke your heart and trusting me is really hard
But watch how quick I change my ways.. starting today, starting today
I know that I'm the one to blame, you say every man's the same
But watch how quick I change my ways.. starting today, starting today
Girl, I'm starting today..

Girl, I know I broke your heart and trusting me is really hard
But watch how quick I change my ways.. starting today, starting today
I know that I'm the one to blame, you say every man's the same
But watch how quick I change my ways.. starting today, starting today
Girl, I'm starting today..

Can die.

dies,
lily.

Ba ba daa.

2010-09-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

Raya fever! Oooh, SO HOT!
Kuala Lumpur - Johor - Kuala Lumpur - Ipoh - Kuala Lumpur - Melaka - Kuala Lumpur.

Okay, Now I'm at the fifth phase. So tomorrow, I'd be on my way to Melaka for two days. Then thats it for travelling! I hope. Maybe not. So fun laaah! HEHEHEHEHE.
I shall post up a few pictures here and there when I have the time.
I got home at around 11:30pm today and tomorrow I have to be at Melaka by 10am. I feel so cool tau tak? Like oooh, I'm so importaaaant and I have to be everywheeeeere!
:B

AND HOMAIGOD. I HAVE A UKULELE NOWWWW. AND ITS IN YELLOWWWW!
Ohmygod. *droools* So comel k? Bought it at Ipoh. It was fate. FATE. DESTINYYY! Hikhik.

I love these days when everything is so perfect!
<3 :D

iheartyouonliiine,
rockyandballs.

A twinkle in the eye

2010-09-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

To simplify my day:

Woke up.
A date with the laptop.
Showered.
Met Daniel.
Went to Farahs.
Went to McD.
Spent time with Daniel, Ikhwan and Vee.
And here I am again, a date with the laptop.
:)

It felt good seeing him again. It felt weird feeling him touch me. Even the slight brush on the arm. I kinda avoided any contact with him. Maybe it was too soon for me. But I sure don't mind it. :)

I noticed that he grew taller! And when he hugged me, I kinda told myself "Lily, that shoulder isn't right for you anymore. You need to move on." And I think I saw him in a different light after that. It was still under the Love Light but its slowly moving towards the Bestfriend Zone. I still feel butterflies when I saw you in that grey t-shirt but I think I'm almost over you.

But whatever state that I'm in right now, I can't wait to see you again.

<3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3 - <3

Nathalie tipu saya worrrrr. :'(

She wrote on her Facebook status :
Wow, you can totally type your facebook password into a comment and it comes up as stars! **********! Omg, so coooool!

And me, being really gullible, believed her. So, I typed out my password. AND IT DID NOT HAPPEEEEN. I freaked. Deleted. And got laughed at. *sigh* So heartbreaking k? :'(

So heartbreaking CAN DIE.
Ish.

Icantkeeplovingyou,
lily :)

Um, hi.

2010-09-02T02:13:00.000-07:00

I miss you.

So, can I see you soon?
Please? :/

Exhaustion.

2010-08-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

From the 27th to the 29th of August, I was at an Eco Ramadhan Camp with the Yawa-ians. As a Junior Board, I was practically running around making sure everythings in place and ensuring the participants weren't doing anything stupid.

The whole camp was super fun and was a success. There were a few cute guys there. But some were just plain irritating. Uncle Adly complimented me. Hikhik.

Theres gonna be a buka puasa at the YAWA office this thursday as a JB appreciation since we did a really good job. *pats self on the back*

Can't wait to go to more camps.
:)

How you doing out there? :)

2010-08-23T02:43:00.000-07:00

Its been quite some time since Ive done an un-emo post. And people has been complaining. *coughaidatijancough*
So here it is.
:)

I GOT A NEW CAMERA, MOTHERFUCKAAAAH!

:B

Okay so.
As you all now, I AM OKAY NOW.
I am completely fine now, being single and available.
Cause dude, seriously.
Its LILY. When am I not not okay?

Lily Alyssa is loving life the way she always had.
Lily Alyssa is living. And enjoying.

Lily Alyssa is still as amazing as ever.
God, I'm awesome.
*flips hair*
;)

gitchigitchigoo,
meansthatIloveyou!

Check 1, 2, 3

2010-08-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

I have made up my mind.

I will continue to think about you. I will continue to smile about our past. And I will continue to love you.
But I will move on without you as mine.
I will be me again without this heartache.
Maybe I'd cry once a while but I know every tear I shed would just make me stronger.
You have made me stronger.

From this I learnt:
"Love and relationships are never like the movies no matter how much we want them to be. But when something beautiful ends, for whatever reason, it's most important not to be disappointed that it's over, but glad that it happened at all."

And here comes a brand new Lily with a brighter smile.
:)

remember,
1437rectum.

Sorry, But I have to land you readers with another emo post. :'/

2010-08-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was kinda over you, I just had to think about you.
I just had to think about us.
I just had to think.
Why am I so stupid?

Now you're stuck in my mind. Dont get me wrong, I like you there. But I'm sick of feeling this heartbreak. All I want to do is just stop. I want to move on. But its taking so damn long. Why? Why am I in so much pain?

I miss you so much.

Why am I loving you so much? How did I fall this hard? I dont remember crying this hard after a breakup. Then why now?

I'm just so tired of convincing myself that its gonna be okay.
I'm so tired of smiling when I just dont feel like it.
But I guess I just dont mind.

But do I ever cross your mind? Cause your on mine all the time.
I cant believe how unfair life is sometimes.
But I'll find a way to close the door and be okay.
I dont want to but I have to realize:
This is goodbye.

If only I could forget our goodbye.

I'llsuckitupandbestrong.

And may God bless

2010-08-11T01:37:00.000-07:00

SELAMAT BERPUASA.

The time for me to clean myself. Knowing how dirty I'd get.
Hehe,

hellowoman,
hesaid.

Make it stop,

2010-08-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

I guess not.
I'm scarred for life.

I'm not over

2010-08-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

Guess what?
I dreamt about you last night.
Last night after I cried myself to sleep.

<3 style="color: rgb(0, 204, 204);">"Where is he?" and when I looked out the window, there you were. Smiling and waving at me. I grin from ear to ear. "There you are." I got down the bus and hugged you so tight. Leaning my head on your shoulder, just the way I like it. We got on the bus again. Off again we went.
I turned my back to you for just a second and you were gone in a second. I panicked. Then I saw you sitting on a seat. You were laughing. Laughing with the most beautiful girl I've ever seen next to you. It doesnt matter. I gave you space. I never wanna be a burden to you. I like seeing the way you laugh. I like seeing you happy.
I blinked.
And you and her were gone. "Where'd you go?" More like where'd everyone go? The bus was completely haunted.
I went out. I called out after you.
I couldn't find you.
I ran. And ran. And ran.
Then there you were.
You were on your knees. Tears streaming down. I could see your fingers tremble. Hair in a mess.
"I've never been the right one for you. I never was."
And just like that, you faded. Without giving me a chance to tell you otherwise.

Goodbye.

With love,

lily alyssa.

I'm scared to my bones

2010-08-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

Dear sayang,

It's going to be very difficult letting you go. I've never shivered in fear before and sayang, I'm scared and I dont know who to turn to. I've never felt this scared and fragile ever in my life. I've never felt my lips quiver so much while I sob. I've never seen my fingers shaking so fast. I've never cried this much. Ever.

But the things you say about you not having time for me, about you hurting me, about us being together at the wrong time, thats all crazy. I know it. But sayang, why must you even THINK that way? Let alone be so sure about it?

After our short 4 months together, I've spent my time with you filled with joy, love and passion. You really are one of a kind.

But I can never change your mind.
If I had the power to just make you think a little bit more positive or the ability to fly so I'd come flying everyday, I'd do just that. But I dont.

Maybe if I needed you more. Maybe if I was a bit more needy. Maybe if I called you more. Maybe if I texted you more. Maybe if I did something different along the way, things would be different now and we could still be. But we're not.
And sayang, I've never felt this afraid.

I dont care that you dont get to see me everyday. I cherish every single second I'm with you. And that makes our time together so much more special. I shouldve told you that. I shouldve told you how much I enjoy our time together. I should have. But I didnt.

I dont care we dont get to communicate that often. I understand. You need to study. And I need to do mine. Like I told you, sayang, we both lead two different lives. But I just love the way our lives just clash in between while we're breathing.

I'm going to miss the way you hold my hand. How your shoulder is just the right height for my head to lean on. When you wear that cologne I love to sniff so much (you know how much I love the smell, sayang). Your stupid jokes. Your laugh. Your smile. Your eyes. Your lips...
Ohmygod, just thinking about you makes me crazy. And just imagine how my heart leaps when you're near. Just imagine that.
But what I'm going to miss the most is how you make me feel so safe. Call me cliche or whatever, but I really do.

Funny.
This life.
When things are going great, when you're so in love, when you're high up, life just punches you back to earth.
Life just hurts you.

But maybe thats why I met you, sayang. To actually know and feel love. To be in love. To be loved. To be so high up in the sky.
We had so many plans, kan sayang? Haha. The things we'd do. The places we'd go.
Memories do have a kick.
It tingles in the stomach, tears in the eyes, curl at the lips.

:')
1437. 7.
You'll always be my Edward, my rectum, my retard, my asshole, the girl in the relationship and the first to make me fall so hard. And thats no joke.

Sayang, .. Daniel, I'm glad you were a huge role in my fairytale. You taught me how to love, cherish, laugh and trust. I'm just upset you weren't the prince charming, I guess.

You never did left my mind. And I think I'd like it if you'd stay there.
When I'm ready, I'll come see you as a friend.
I promise I wont change much.
But boy, you changed me. To a better me.
And for that, I thank you.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for making me feel safe. Thank you for making me laugh and forget the bad. Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being in my life.

But can I be a little selfish and ask for you to just say those three little words with eight letters to me one more time?

I love you

what a way to do my 100th post huh?,
alyssa.

I love the way you lie

2010-08-03T03:13:00.000-07:00

Test is in two weeks. And I have not touched a single book.
I. Am. Screwed.
I just can't seem to study. But I need to. *sigh*
Guess its time to toughen myself up, pick up a book and understand every single shit in it.
God, I fucking hate exams. They pollute the environment and they mess up my head.
Yeah, thanks a lot.

I am cheer crazy. I need to do some cheerleading. PRONTO.

I miss my retard. I only get to see him once a week and we get to hangout for four hours maximum. I usually thought that long-distance relationship would never work but hey, I guess it does! Lol, look at me. So gila dah.

"I don't wanna hold your hands anymore."
"What? Why?"
"I only wanna hold your heart now."
*grins like a moron*

hugs,
lily.